MTV and A Thin Line conquer Sexting

The music network, MTV, has always been a network that is popular for teens. As a member of the “MTV Generation” I remember the days of watching music videos with my friends and squealing over the different artists that would appear on the screen with the latest tunes. As the years have progressed, so has MTV as they have added more than just videos to their agenda. They now have different types of programming, celebrity news, clothing and different campaigns such as Rock the Vote which was geared towards teens and politics.

The latest addition to their lineup has been a campaign for teens called A Thin Line. This is a campaign to educate teens on how their digital behavior can have disastrous affects. Not only will this involve combating sexting but they plan to create Public service announcements and show an episode about this on its True Life series. MTV commissioned a study involving 1,200 youngsters ages 14-24 asking how they behaved in the digital age. At least 50% admitted to being targets of this abuse while 30% stated that they had sent sexually explicit photos of themselves to others via text or online. When the problem was explored further, those who have been targeted are more likely to engage in sexual activity, drink, use drugs, smoke and get involved with criminal activity. This is criminal activity if you ask me!

MTV is doing a great thing here. Many times, kids do not think of the consequences of what they do. It is so important to raise the awareness of this problem so our children will remain safe out there. This is something that is considered “hot” amongst teens and many will do it believing nobody will see these photos but the recipient. However, recipients cannot always be trusted and eventually, these photos can wind up online costing someone a job down the line and ruining their reputation. Also, it can become an issue of distributing child pornography. In this digital age, nobody is safe and privacy has become non existent. As MTV is still popular with youths, having this campaign will be a great way of educating and raising awareness of this problem.

This sexting problem has not been an issue for long but it is rapidly growing. Parents and other adults need to educate themselves on this problem and talk to their children about this. At the end of the day, don’t we all deserve to be safe?

Bullies at Work

Well, after the Thanksgiving weekend I came back to a lot of stuff to catch up on. One article just stood out and could not let go of it. It was written in Canada but can assure you that this problem is alive and well in America. Adults should know better and grow up, learn to leave this garbage at the door. However, from experience and the feedback I get daily, I can assure you that childhood bullies grow worse and exist in the office as well.

In the article, I read of a woman working in an office who was asked to do some photocopying by her boss which went beyond her job description. While doing this she reached to answer the phone and the paper got jammed in the machine. Instead of reaching to help, the boss snarled “I thought you claimed to be an Administrative Assistant.” Since that incident, she has endured nitpicking, embarrassment and verbal abuse from this boss. As a result, her self esteem plummeted, she developed anxiety, felt incompetent and this filtered into her way of life. A co-worker even stated that they did not like it when the woman was bullied but did not know how to deal with the psychological abuse this boss was inflicting in the office.

Folks, who needs this? Again, let me ask you: Who NEEDS this on a daily basis? These bullies at work will pick up on one mistake and run with it. Someone will do something wrong and they never let it go! If it is the boss that is one thing. However, there are people who are not even in positions of authority and they still pull these stunts. They zone in one person and constantly focus on them. The complaining starts and it becomes contagious. Every little thing the other person does gets magnified and dissected redundantly. It gets to a point where the target cannot even come to work without receiving nasty notes in their box, an email or some nasty remark from either the bully or one of her little helpers. Its no wonder a person looses self-esteem, becomes anxious, stressed and eventually develops depression. Who can work and affectively like that?

Please, if this is happening to you, please document the date, time and what happened. Keep a log of this. If others are seeing this occur in the office, talk to them and ask them to document. That is if you know you can trust them. Check your code of conduct that is outlined in your workplace handbook or if something is hanging on the wall in the office. Do not let one person keep an office in an uproar. Also, for goodness sakes DON’T try to be accepted by the bully. Do you think he cares about you and it will make your job any easier? Most importantly, build up a support system outside of the office where they can be sounding boards. Do not keep all of this inside and to yourself. That only makes it worse for you. Most importantly, do not confront the bully on their behavior. They are looking for drama and games and will use anything you say to them against you. For them, this is about power, control and staying on top. I know the articles states that you should contact them early on but I disagree. They have found a target in you and will do anything they can to keep problems going. Their goal is to get you out of the organization. You are either a threat to them or maybe receive more pay than them. Anyone in your position will get heat from this person.

If you see this at your job, do what you can to help the one being targeted. Nobody needs this abuse and it is nothing more than abuse. Not only do the employees suffer when this is occurring but so does productivity and people are not working to their full potential. I think at the end of the day, we all just want to work, do our job and go home. There is enough stress in the world so why add to it? Something to think about.

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Facebook nips the Bullies

Yesterday kicked off Anti-bullying Week and it goes from November 16-20 2009. One thing that is really being focused upon is the problem of cyber-bullying. As we all know, this is a problem that is out of control and at some point, someone needs to put a stop to it. The problem is a huge one on social sites like My Space, Facebook, Twitter, Bebo and others where kids can go and interact with their friends as well as adults. . Facebook has decided to take some preventative measures and has launched some safety tips in support of Anti-bullying Week.

I have been a strong advocate of Facebook for a long time. It is designed to keep its members safe for starters. The profiles are set up where one must add a person to their friends list in order for their full profile to be seen by the other user. Users can also set their profile to private which allows only those on their friends list to know that they are members of the site. It is a great place to post photos and organize them so others can view and comment on them. Members on there range from 14-104 and many parents have their children added to their list of friends. That can make it hard for a teen to cyber-bully or add anyone that is questionable to their list of friends. Not to mention it is a great place to network with other professionals and invites and groups can be created to help in the networking process. It has become a site that is family friendly and is why many flock there to communicate.

Facebook has left some helpful comments that I back up completely. I wanted to list and expand on them from what has already been listed.

1. Only accept friends you know: Many times, people who do business on Facebook will add strangers to their lists because they are interested in networking. If this is the case, do not put up personal photos or give a lot of personal information. Also, if one is underage, they do not need to be adding adults that they do not know. As for adults, they do not need to be adding anyone under 18 years of age. Again, some of these teens have parents on their lists and you do not want to be accused of subjecting something that could be considered inappropriate to their children who are underage. Teens please add other teens you already know and if you do add adults, make sure you know them. Adults, please stick to other adults on the site. Unless you know the teen, you really do not need to be interacting with them.

2. Stop abusive behavior: Please, if someone is abusing you on the site, take that person and block them. The block feature is excellent as once you block a person, it is as if they do not exist at all. They cannot see you, what you are doing, who is on your friend list or anything else. People come to the site for various reasons and I am sure nobody wishes to come and engage in any flame wars or useless drama. Block the bully!

3. Report trouble directly to Facebook: Again, Facebook is taking this problem very seriously and if you are encountering a bully on the site, let Facebook know. Show them what has been sent to you and posted on your profile. You can cut and paste it and save it on your computer. They have people who work to investigate and stop this behavior. Get others to report on your behalf as well.

4. Keep your information private: Again, if you do not want anyone to know something about you, the last place it belongs is on Facebook or any other place online. Use good and safe judgment here. Share limited information about yourself. Also, keep your status updates reasonable. What I mean is that not everyone is interested in what you ate for lunch, if you went to the store or how many times you went to the bathroom. Do not post anything that could tip off where you are located. Facebook has a settings area where you can set you level of privacy on the site.

5. Do not react to bullies: block, report or delete them. Again, do not engage with them in petty arguments. Once you flame right back at them you are no longer in a situation where you are being abused. It has then become a full blown flame war between two people. Bullies want you to react and waste your time indulging them with drama. They live for this behavior. If someone is posting gossip or spreading rumors then please save the information they have posted and get others to help you collect it. Send it to Facebook when you report them. Block and delete them from your list. Facebook calls the shots on the site and therefore, its better that you allow them to take control of the situation. Building alliances, flaming each other back and forth is no longer a bullying scenario but again, it’s a full blown conflict between two parties. Let them create the trouble alone and that way, they become responsible for their actions. Plus, it becomes easier for Facebook to see who they real bully is.

Again, it is great to see Anti-bullying Week in full force. Social sites are full of this behavior and it is refreshing to see one that takes this problem seriously. Again, I back Facebook up 100% and the fact that they take this cyber-bullying seriously gives me greater confidence in them. At the end of the day, people just want to go to Facebook and do what they need to do without any hassles. We all deserve a safe online experience.

Dallas Divas and the Mean Girls

Wow! Another reality show and one that we get to see mother/daughter duos in action. This show Dallas Divas and Daughters airs every Sunday evening at 8pm EST on the Style Network. During this half-hour, we get a glimpse into the lives of five sets of mothers/daughters who live in Dallas, Texas and are considered members of Dallas high society. There has been a polo match, joint birthday party, fashion shows, preparations for the Debutante ball, lunch dates, shopping and many other excursions in the Lone Star State. I have to say that these ladies live some exciting lives. Even though I do not know these people, never met them and can hardly judge them, I can certainly comment on what I have seen on the show thus far.

This show is full of relational aggression and mean girl behavior. For starters, we have a group of five mothers where two of them do not get along. The catty comments they mutter under their breaths towards one another is pretty pathetic. These are not teen girls here but middle age women! One of them has stated it is “fun” to get under the skin of the other. We get to see them attack each other at the graduation party of one of the girls in the group. Then the other catty mother is having a birthday party which is shared with another lady in the group and we learn that the other mother/daughter team is not invited over silly reasons like being late. Sure, being late is rude, I agree but this appeared to be done in a mean spirited fashion on the birthday mothers part. Right there, we have the issue of exclusion. All she had to do was gently remind this woman to be on time. The uninvited mother made a comment that they were adults and this was high school and mean girl behavior. Yes, this looks really stupid in a group of middle age women. It was two of the women who had the birthday party yet one seemed to dominate the spotlight. If that is not bad enough, one mother puts down the daughter of the other mother when she is getting her debutante photos made.

The daughters are catty too. We see two of the girls who are in competition with one another. They are debutantes together, worked at a fashion show together and we see them try and one up each other every time. One girl got four tickets to see a band and it excluded two of the six in the group after promising everyone that they could come. Instead of picking in a fair manner like drawing names, we see the girl pick her three to go and they rub this in to the other girls who did not get picked. Then, we have a 17 year old who has stated that she will bully her mother until she gives in and gets her a Range Rover for her upcoming birthday. At this graduation party, the mother throwing the party had a specialized portrait of herself made for her daughter to carry to college with her. In the interviews, we heard all of the nasty comments from the other mother/daughter teams of the group. One said if her mother gave that to her for graduation she would throw it in her face!

Only one mother/daughter team has managed to stay away from jumping in the catty pool. The daughter is working with her sister to find her mother a boyfriend while we see the mother date. Its refreshing to see at least one team on there not to behave like they are entitled or behave in a rude manner to the others in the group. Sadly, we do not see much of this pair on there.

Folks, this is nothing but exclusion, backstabbing, put downs, silly competition and entitlement of a group of women and daughters. How can we expect these girls to stop their own mean girl behavior if their own mothers participate in this? I have been saying all along that Peer Abuse is an adult problem and am seeing it now more than ever on this show. Why can’t the two women who do not get along put their differences aside and try to get along? Why couldn’t the girl with the tickets have picked her guests in a fair manner? What sort of example is this setting for the daughters? One daughter admitted to bullying her mother! Please, do not use this as a model for your own children. Teach them good values and to treat others as they wish to be treated. At the end of the day, aren’t we better off having a friend rather than a foe? Or a frenemy for that matter?

Zero Tolerance needs Flexibility

As I was watching the local news last evening, I happened to see a segment on the issue of zero tolerance on there. Basically, local school districts were giving their policies and procedures as to how they handle this problem within their schools. The parents were complaining that zero tolerance was too strict and needed to be handled on a case to case basis. Schools have implemented this policy for quite some time in order to cut down on criminal behavior, catch the bullying going on and to basically keep weapons off campus so school will be safe for all students.
Recently, a kindergarten child was suspended for bringing a camping utensil to school. Another case happened when a first grader brought a knife to school. There was an incident in this nation where a 3rd grade child brought a kitchen knife from home to school. Why? A 5th grade bully threatened to rape him the next day. So, it was brought for protection. True, there are some who have brought weapons to school to start a fight or to do harm to others. It is important that we catch those who are planning to do harm to others in some way.

Lets face it; zero tolerance is too strict. It needs to be handled on a case by case basis. Gangs who bring weapons to school to hurt others should be suspended or expelled. Same with anyone who brings a weapon to do any harm to another person. However, what is a five year old going to know about a camping utensil? I highly doubt this child has threatened another in some way. Also, many bullied kids bring weapons as a way to protect themselves. When a school does not listen and the child is continually abused on a daily basis, he/she begins to feel helpless and looks for a way for protection. Its not going to come from peers or the school so they bring a weapon to school. The student gets caught and gets expelled for having the weapon while the bully walks without any punishment. After all, zero tolerance is zero tolerance.

Folks, the concept is not a bad one. Its just that in cases of Peer Abuse and the B word, the wrong kids are being caught and punished. In doing so, it reinforces the kid who is being abused that their rights, feelings or self as a whole is not nearly as valued as that of the bully. We all know life is not fair. However, must we continue to reinforce this to these kids already in pain? We all have rights in this nation, lets not ever forget that.

Sexting at Degrassi

This past Friday, an episode of Degrassi The next Generation aired an episode entitled “Shoot to Thrill”. This episode involved a girl named Ali and her boyfriend Johnny. Ali took some pictures of Johnny and a stuffed animal promising never to share them with anyone. As the episode went on, we saw how poorly Johnny treated Ali in their relationship. Instead of breaking up with him, she took it up a notch and decided to take nude pictures of herself and send them to Johnny on his cell phone. Needless to say, this went badly. Ali had posted one of the pictures of Johnny and the stuffed animal on the school wall which resulted in Johnny sending one of the sexting pictures to his friend Bruce. Mr. Simpson, one of the teachers had the displeasure of seeing the picture and sent Bruce and Ali to the office. The principal had a stern talk with Ali about the dangers of sexting and an organization called That’s Not Cool gave a PSA on the dangers of sexting and is a great resource for anyone dealing with abuse through technology.

Sexting has recently become an issue amongst teens and even adults. Teens have been known to take these sexual photos and send to one another. What is troubling is that these texts find their way online by cyber bullies or other abusers in relationships. This occurs when there is a break-up or just as form of blackmail. The thing that is not considered is that once these photos are sent around, they are out there in cyber land for everyone to see. The chances of them disappearing are slim to none. Situations such as this can follow the teen into adulthood and cost them jobs and other problems along the line.

Folks, talk to your children about sexting and the dangers of it. This is also a form of cyber bullying as the photos get passed around to others and are done so in a cruel manner and as a way to hurt the target. This could also result in a criminal record as the ones doing the sending are passing around what appears to be child pornography. Anyone under age taking these photos and sharing them are only adding to the pornography problem, not helping it. Teens do not see these consequences like adults do so its important for them to know this before they attempt it. At the end of the day, we want our children safe. Sexting is the last way to do it.